Boss gets fired by assistant, gets offended when she asks for a recommendation letter 6 months later: 'She cursed me out'

Burning bridges is no way to guarantee professional success, but that is exactly what some misguided people choose to do anyway.

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  • A woman dressed in black uses a laptop while sitting on a couch
    via Renato Leal (Unsplash+)

    A woman dressed in black uses a laptop while sitting on a couch

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • If we are being honest, there are plenty of legitimate reasons why somebody may make a coworker or a boss an enemy in their workplace. Certain people are just insufferable to work with, some to the point that they are violating company policy or labor laws. In these cases, an employee is perfectly within their rights to complain about the way that they are being treated and even attempt to get the offending person fired.

  • The person who got me fired is asking for a letter of recommendation. How do I professionally say no?

    Alright, get a load of this wild story. About 6 months ago, I was fired from my job for very vague reasons. I'm still very good friends with a few people there, including some in senior leadership, and in our cliquey company, word travels fast.
    via tunasleery_4r

  • However, unfair dismissal is a very real thing, and it can be the case that the person doing the complaining is actually the one who should be complained about. Coworkers can develop the strangest vendettas, which end up having quite serious consequences. 

    Should you find yourself in a situation where you want to make an official complaint against a coworker, it is wise to think through what the long term consequences might be. They may not be allowed to retaliate while you work in the same place, but that is not the case if one or both of you move on. You want to know that you will not have to have any more dealings with them.

  • It was a huge shock, so I was trying to understand what happened. I was consistently a top performer and had never received a single write-up or anything of the sort.
    via tunasleery_4r
  • A little while later, I discovered that my assistant was the primary reason I was fired. She had this weird complex where she'd complain about being overworked, and in the same breath, complain that no one was giving her enough responsibility.
    via tunasleery_4r
  • Her big complaint was that I was no longer 'part of the team' after my role shifted to be purely administrative. This was a management position for field- based roles. I was still trying to help with hands-on work as much as I could, but my duties had changed and required me to be in the office about 90% of the time, which was a big shift from the old 60/40 split.
    via tunasleery_4r
  • Apparently, she didn't like this change. I found out she had been telling people I was 'lazy' and just there to 'give orders and control them'.
    via tunasleery_4r

  • When a manager faced serious consequences after her assistant turned against her, she never expected that she would ever hear from her again. She had been fired with little explanation, later finding out that it was this particular coworker who had sealed her fate.

    The assistant had frequently complained of improper treatment by the manager and even asked some of her colleagues to send emails to HR as well. She also confronted her in an aggressive way shortly before she was fired.

    A few months later, the manager was shocked to realize that the assistant was now asking for a letter of recommendation for a specialized master's course. The course required a letter from somebody who had been a direct supervisor for a significant amount of time. She obviously didn't want to help her, but sought advice on how to navigate the situation.

  • A standing woman dressed in black takes a call on her cell phone while holding her laptop
    via Renato Leal (Unsplash+)

    A standing woman dressed in black takes a call on her cell phone while holding her laptop

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • I also discovered she had been sending emails to HR documenting every petty complaint she had. She even got a few of the part-time staff to send in bogus complaints to back her up.
    via tunasleery_4r
  • One of these complaints, and I swear I'm not making this up, was that I once ordered food for myself and didn't ask them if they wanted anything. HR never brought any of this to my attention. No meetings, no warnings, no paper trail. All these accusations were nonsense and had no basis in reality.
    via tunasleery_4r
  • It all came to a head the day before they fired me. She stormed into my office, yelling that I was a terrible manager, cursed me out a bit, and threatened that she and the entire part- time staff (all 6 of them) would quit if I wasn't gone. Another department manager heard the whole confrontation.
    via tunasleery_4r
  • I was fired the very next day. She still works there. And now, we've come to this moment. She's doing her master's and is applying for a specialized course next semester. It's a highly competitive practicum for students in our field.
    via tunasleery_4r
  • I received an email from her. She needs a letter of recommendation for this course. One of the application requirements is a letter from her direct supervisor whom she worked under for at least 3 years. And I am the only person who fits that description.
    via tunasleery_4r
  • The audacity is honestly stunning. I absolutely cannot, in good conscience, write her a positive recommendation, especially when I recall her performance history, which included several write-ups and action plans before all this. We had tried to fire her before for performance issues, but the company's procedures are a bureaucratic nightmare.
    via tunasleery_4r
  • So folks, how do I say no? I want to be professional but also make it crystal clear why I'm refusing.
    via tunasleery_4r
  • A woman in a white shirt writes on a piece of paper while using a laptop
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    A woman in a white shirt writes on a piece of paper while using a laptop

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • GreatZucchini8 "Thank you for reaching out and for thinking of me. After some consideration, I'm not in a position to provide a strong letter of recommendation for you at this time. To protect your application and my own. professional integrity, I believe it would be more appropriate for you to seek a recommendation from someone who has had a more positive and recent working relationship with you. I appreciate you asking and wish you success in your next steps."
    via GreatZucchini8
  • ourldyofnoassumption Why don't you say yes. Then write what you write here, along with her terrible judgement of actually asking you to write the letter in the first place. After all, she asked.
    via ourldyofnoassumption
  • baz4k6z Just ignore the email and move on with your life
    via baz4k6z
  • InteractionNo9110 Don't put anything in writing as cathartic as it may be to trash her. You have no idea what her real plan is. And you don't want anything she can use against you. Just block her number and move on with your life.
    via InteractionNo9110
  • Boob_Johnson_69 Just don't respond. Make her waste another 3 years working some meaningless job that will probably derail her life while wondering if she got the email wrong and never had to work there.
    via Bob_Johnson_69
  • suzeycue You already wrote it: To Whom it May concern "I absolutely cannot, in good. conscience, write XXXXX a positive recommendation, especially when I recall her performance history, which included several write-ups and action plans before all this. We had tried to fire her before for performance issues, but the company's procedures are a bureaucratic nightmare."
    via suzeycue
  • Fragrant-Dimension 12 or... you could say yes. and just be honest.
    via Fragrant-Dimension12
  • Outrageous-Age-6847 Write her an honest letter of recommendation. LoR dont have to always be positive (despite the infuriating name). You can recommend that the person has the maturity of a high-schooler and would only be suitable for such roles.
    via Outrageous-Age-6847

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